Captain Corruption's Clearly Confused, Cracked and Confounded Commentary

Oath of office? What Oath of Office?

2006-05-19T23:21:00.000-04:00

"I don't need to be lectured by you. You are no more a protector of the Constitution than am I," Judiciary Committee Chairman Arlen Specter, R-Pa.,

Read that gem from Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Arlen Specter again:

"I don't need to be lectured by you. You are no more a protector of the Constitution than am I."

Psssst. Yo Arlen, remember this whacky Oath of Office you took?

I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God.

"You are no more a protector of the Constitution than am I."

Apparently not.

I don't find the context relevant myself, I find the statement an outrageous admission of dereliction of duty on its face. Nevertheless, here's the context if ya care for it.

Lord of the Libertarians?

2006-05-19T23:06:00.000-04:00

I've read the Lord of the Rings books a dozen times and watched the extended movie versions half a dozen times and never thought of the underlining libertarian theme. Then I stumbled upon this essay by Vin Suprynowicz recently and thought it worth sharing:

For most great English literature has been about restoring proper government power (always favoring the legitimacy of the ancestors of whatever patrons were footing the bill) – read the thanes of Shakespeare’s "MacBeth" arguing that any foible can be forgiven in a king so long as he can rule with a strong hand, preserving the land from anarchy.

But The Lord of the Rings is not about restoring the metaphoric Ring of Power to the rightful king. Rather, we see Frodo the ringbearer – an open-faced hobbit in homespun making the most seemingly unlikely champion, except for the fact that hobbits are the creatures in all Middle Earth least likely to be seduced by the promise of power – offer the ring to each of the good wizards and elf queens and royal heirs of his world, in turn.

Those who succumb to temptation come to bad ends. The test of goodness and worth – in this film as in the book – is the ability to say "No" to the offer of unlimited power, to declare, as does Gandalf the Gray (Ian McKellen), "Oh, I would use this ring in an attempt to do good. But through me, it would wield a terrible power. ..."

Frodo’s quest is not to deliver the One Ring to the right king, but rather to haul it back to the mountain of fire where it was forged in darkness, and destroy it.

What’s that? Not merely to reassign government power to its rightful heirs, but to reduce and limit it for all time? To declare that the solution is not merely to make sure "the right party" manipulates the existing levers of power, but rather that such unrestricted power is to be banished from the globe for good, setting men free to seek their own mortal (albeit often misguided) destinies?

This is the conclusion Prof. Tolkien drew after watching Europe wracked by 30 years of (briefly interrupted) total war between the struggling factions of fascism and collectivism.

It’s also – coincidentally enough – what America’s founders attempted 215 years ago, when they set about constructing a government "of limited powers, sharply defined."

Do most of our present-day rulers still share that vision? Is it a common thing to walk into a federal court these days and find a judge scratching his head and declaring, "You know, the defendant has a point – I can’t seem to find any specifically delegated power in Article I Section 8 of the Constitution for the Congress to enact laws or create agencies to meddle in this field of human endeavor, at all. I thereby rule this entire section of the federal code to be unconstitutional and null and void, and order the agency whose agents have brought these charges to be dissolved forthwith. Issue yourselves severance checks, turn out the lights and lock the doors; case dismissed"?

Of course not. Because the Libertarians and Constitutionalists who argue in America today that the goal and raison d’etre of this government from its founding was to limit central power in order to maximize individual freedom, get about as much respect and attention from today’s swordbearers – anxious to centralize everything from bank account reporting procedures to airport security – as did Tolkien’s little hobbits from the dark lord Sauron.

Our eventual success today – against such a fearful array of forces, once supposed to stand as "checks and balances" one against another – looks about as likely as that of little Frodo’s lonely pilgrimage to Mordor.

Read the rest here!

NSA at it again

2006-05-11T23:10:00.000-04:00

According to USA Today Big Brother continues watching. Apparently our friends in the NSA have been hoarding phone call data provided to them by AT+T, Verizon, and Bell South, the nations three largest telecom companies.

Now now now, before you go screaming about yet another unconstitutional intrusion into your civil liberties by this administration remember what they're response is going to be... 9-11 lets us do anything we want. So don't bother with the administration on this one.

See, there's this little law, Section 222 of the Communications Act, that forbids the phone companies from releasing this information. Quoting the USA Today article:

Under Section 222 of the Communications Act, first passed in 1934, telephone companies are prohibited from giving out information regarding their customers' calling habits: whom a person calls, how often and what routes those calls take to reach their final destination. Inbound calls, as well as wireless calls, also are covered.

The financial penalties for violating Section 222, one of many privacy reinforcements that have been added to the law over the years, can be stiff. The Federal Communications Commission, the nation's top telecommunications regulatory agency, can levy fines of up to $130,000 per day per violation, with a cap of $1.325 million per violation. The FCC has no hard definition of "violation." In practice, that means a single "violation" could cover one customer or 1 million.

Seems clear to me that AT+T, Verizon and Bell South are breaking the law AND violating their customer's privacy. If you are a customer contact your telecom provider and insist that they cease this law breaking immediately. Contact your state's Attorney General and insist that he bring charges to bear.

Oh sure, I think its yet another horrible intrusion by the Bush administration into the civil liberties that make our nation great, but its also a clear violation of the law by a handfull of powerful corporations who need our money to maintain their profit level. Bush is a lame duck and could care less about your vote. AT+T, however, sicks telemarketers on you all the time. Time to hold them accountable!

Xenophobia in the in-box

2006-05-10T23:24:00.000-04:00

Can't believe I'm coming out of my blissfull father of a baby girl existence because of the issue du-jour, illegal immigration, but I got one of those obnoxious chain e-mails in my box and felt the need to respond. The e-mail rant will be in italics, with my response normal font.

demagogue
n : an orator who appeals to the passions and prejudices of his audience [syn: demagog, rabble-rouser]

Hey, if you want to have a rational discussion regarding our open unguarded borders and the problems they cause I'm all for it. If you want to make the point, RATIONALLY, that there are plenty of immigrants entering our country legally, and it is unfair to them that illegal immigrants cut the line, fine. I'll probably do lots of agreeing.

But if all you (You being whoever the original author of this document is, and those that will disperse it) can do is play racist demagogue, you'll find I can play that silly game too.

AMEN AND AMEN

Try these and see how long you stay out of jail or even alive!

Try driving around as a Gringo in Mexico with no liability insurance..... and have an accident....

Granted you'll lose your car. Don't be so stupid as to take your own car somewhere with no bill of rights, or be prepared to pay the price.

Enter MEXICO illegally. Never mind immigration quotas, visas, international law, or any of that nonsense.

How? How can I enter Mexico illegally? I've crossed that border multiple times. They want me in. They want my money. They don't look twice at you entering. The only trouble I'd have is if I tried to cross BACK without my driver's license. Then I'd be stuck.

Once there, demand that the local government provide free medical care for you and your entire family.

Who's demanding that? Does the author of this document want to provide a link to the voices of these demands?

Yes, through the emergency medical treatment and labor act of 1985 hospitals are legally bound to provide emergency services regardless of ability to pay and citizenship. But hey, as long as we're being demagogues here, I'm not gonna complain about paying for emergency medical services for anybody when I'm also forced to pay room and board for anybody, regardless of citizenship status, that's too freakin lazy to get off their butts and get a job.

Ya want to see the abuse of social services ceased, then cease providing nanny state social services to all abusers.

Demand bilingual nurses and doctors.

Who makes these DEMANDS? Go to Mexico, at least the tourist towns and big cities, and they will have folks that speak English at any establishment see the above reference to wanting our money. They want you as a customer, thus they'll speak your language.

Demand free bilingual local government forms, bulletins, etc.

Again, who's making these DEMANDS? Are there lots of folks who don't speak English? Yes. Does that present a communication problem? Yes. Are you a more marketable employee if you're bilingual? Yes. That said, I haven't heard anyone DEMAND any of the above.

Procreate abundantly.

What, you mean like Mormons, or Catholics, or Pentecostals, or folks on fertility pills, or... Yeah, no demagoguery or implied racism in that procreate abundantly line. I know, how bout a law licensing parenthood and limiting the number of births. I've always wanted to live in communist China.

Deflect any criticism of this allegedly irresponsible reproductive behavior with, "It's a cultural American thing. You wouldn't understand, pal."

See above comments regarding racism and demagoguery and our newfound relationship with China.

Keep your American identity strong. Fly Old Glory from your rooftop, or proudly display it in your front window or on your car bumper.

Hmmm like perhaps a holiday celebrating Green Beer drunkenness? Or annual Oktoberfests? Italian Fests, Greek Fests etc etc. Celtic knot tattoo's anyone? Kiss me I'm Irish bumper stickers? Or perhaps the proud flying of flags for the failed and defeated confederacy? We better outlaw them all!

Speak only English at home and in public and insist that your children do likewise.

Insist eh? That's what's happening huh? I'm sure the author of this document has done extensive research into the home life of all the various folks who don't speak English and can back this claim up with hard data, right?

Demand classes on American culture in the Mexican school system.

Again with these mysterious DEMANDS.

Demand a local Mexican driver license. This will afford other legal rights and will go far to legitimize your unauthorized, illegal, presence in Mexico.

Don't need one, I'm authorized, they want my money, and my driver's license is good enough for them.

Insist that local Mexican law enforcement teach English to all of its officers.

Good luck!

No other country will allow foreigners these rights.

You're right indeed! How proud I am to live in America, the only country in the world whose constitutional government extends its rights to all human beings within, regardless of the status of their papers. What a wonderfully unique concept, and one of the fundamental principles that our nation was founded on that ALL men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights.

I'm quite proud to live in a country where white, black, brown, yellow, and every skin tone in between can be encountered. Where walking down the street I might hear proper English, or a southern drawl, or ebonics, or Spanish, Russian, Yiddish, Farsi or any number of other languages. I'm thrilled to be able to enjoy Colonel Sander's chicken, General Cho's chicken, or some tasty chicken fajitas, as well as Indian, Thai, Greek, Italian, cuisine, and possibly find a sampling of all of the above at an Irish Pub!

I'm thrilled to live in a country where someone is absolutely and unequivocally free to write the document I'm criticizing at the moment. I'm proud to live in a country that allows the KKK to have its annual 15 person demonstration on the statehouse, and allows me to join the 500 folks across the street in flipping the KKK off.

You're absolutely correct no other country will allow all of the above. Why does that make you frightened rather than proud?

It will not happen in Mexico or any other country in the world... except right here in the United States... land of the naive or at least too nice!

Some would have it become land of the xenophobe, home of the frightened.

Again, if a rational discussion about the real issues of illegal immigration is what is desired, I'm all for it. In the meantime, please keep racist crap like this document the bleep out of my in-box.

More Orwell whilst hiatus continues

2006-04-06T22:50:00.000-04:00

Every war when it comes, or before it comes, is represented not as a war but as an act of self-defense against a homicidal maniac.

This week's 1984 quote

2006-03-16T12:27:00.000-05:00

Don't you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought?… Has it ever occurred to you, Winston, that by the year 2050, at the very latest, not a single human being will be alive who could understand such a conversation as we are having now?…The whole climate of thought will be different. In fact, there will be no thought, as we understand it now. Orthodoxy means not thinking—not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.

Captain Corruption MIA?

2006-03-08T21:15:00.000-05:00

Nope, but lots going on, so how bout a quote to ponder to get you by till my next rant...

Winston could not definitely remember a time when his country had not been at war.

Orwell, 1984 is the source, of course.

By the way, I know how Winston feels.

First Morrissey, now Henry Rollins

2006-02-26T12:58:00.000-05:00

Well unlike Morrissey at least I can imagine Henry Rollins as inspiring a little fear in someone, but really folks the paranoia is way outta hand silly, doncha think.

Henry Rollins was notified by officials in Australia that he was a person of interest within their anti-terrorism establishment. Why? Because he chose Ahmed Rashid's book "Jihad: The Rise of Militant Islam in Central Asia" as his in flight reading material while flying to Australia. Apparently this disturbed the gentlemen sitting next to him, who notified authorities. Here's what Henry has to say, via MTV.Com:

"The guy phoned me in to their, like, anti-terrorist board, and they found me — they looked me up," he said. "They looked up the flight and found out who was sitting in seat 10A and they got to me. And they said, 'OK, you're now a person of interest. The man next to you does not agree with your politics and he didn't like the book you were reading.' This kind of provocation, I don't respond very well to. I was furious. And so I wrote back, 'You can tell everyone at your office, including your boss, to go f--- themselves. This book has been read by a ton of people — I am not a threat to your state or any state or any republic.'"

Read the rest here, and enjoy the New World Order.

Sex Pistols show kids today what REAL Punk is.

2006-02-26T12:48:00.000-05:00

Gotta love em, or hate em, or ignore em... aww f*** it, they don't care either way.

Check out the officially scrawled reply the Sex Pisols have offered to their recent induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame:

http://www.thefilthandthefury.co.uk/

PS yup, the Sex Pistols inspired my first and possibly last blog use of the eff asterix asterix asterix word. Just seemed appropriate to me...

Latest Terror Threat - Morrissey?

2006-02-23T20:48:00.000-05:00

Try not to laugh. No really, this is serious stuff here. This might be more important than cartoon violence and hunting accidents. Smiths front man Morrissey is a credible national security threat and potential terrorist.

After speaking out about the British and United States governments the FBI investigated and interviewed pop singer Morrissey. According to the pop diva himself:

"The FBI and the Special Branch have investigated me and I've been interviewed and taped and so forth.

"They were trying to determine if I was a threat to the government, and similarly in England. But it didn't take them very long to realise that I'm not."

What kind of a threat could Morrissey possibly be? I'm not so sure the man presents a credible threat to Michael Jackson, let alone to national security. A threat to troop morale perhaps? Oh wait, wait I've got it... I forgot the jihad he declared on dj's everywhere:

Burn down the disco
Hang the blessed dj
Because the music that they constantly play
It says nothing to me about my life
Hang the blessed dj
Because the music they constantly play

On the leeds side-streets that you slip down
Or provincial towns you jog Âround
Hang the dj, hang the dj, hang the dj
Hang the dj, hang the dj, hang the dj

Oh our good old FBI, looking out for the freedom and safety of discos and DJ's everywhere. I hear they've got Fred Schneider on ice right now ready to spill the beans about his insidious Rock Lobster plot.

Why can't Jihad Jerry get this kinda free press???

Dick Jokes

2006-02-15T22:30:00.000-05:00

Everybody else is writing Dick Cheney jokes so I figured I better get my licks in, such as they are. The first one's a quiz:

"Don't shoot shoot shoot that thing at me..."

Who said it?

A: The Violent Femmes
B: Monica Lewinsky
C: Harry Whittington
D: All of the above

And the second one's a pop culture reference:

Cheney to Whittington - "You've got red on you..."

And finally a classic archetype re-written, that I can't claim credit for:

Dick Cheney walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" and Cheney shoots him.

Army Girls Gone Wild on Video!

2006-02-13T11:53:00.000-05:00

Jihad Jerry and the Evilidoers have released the video for their hit single Army Girls Gone Wild. This is all ya need to know about Abu Ghraib... Here it is, free for the viewing.

Click here.

Six year old Sexual Harrasser. Better get this kid on the Sex Offender Registry.

2006-02-09T20:33:00.000-05:00

Alright Jeezus H!

Better get this kid on the sex offender registry.

Perhaps the people of Mass. are making up for their numerous Kennedy non-calls...

BROCKTON, Massachusetts. (AP) -- A 6-year-old boy is getting a lesson on the meaning of sexual harassment long before he'll be able to spell it.

The first-grader was suspended for three days for sexual harassment after he put two fingers inside a classmate's waistband, school officials told his mother, Berthena Dorinvil. The boy told her he only touched the girl's shirt after the girl touched him.

Experts say only in rare, troubling cases can children that young truly sexually harass one another.

"The connotation is you're getting some kind of sexual gratification, or wanting sexual gratification, or are putting pressure on for some kind of sexual gratification, when a 6-year-old doesn't have that capacity," said E. Christopher Murray, a civil rights attorney who has handled school discipline cases.

Dr. Elizabeth Berger, a Philadelphia-area child psychiatrist, said this case seems to be an overzealous attempt to ensure students feel safe in school after years in which society was not attentive enough.

The boy's mother called the January 30 suspension from Downey Elementary School outrageous. She said she can't even explain to her son what he did wrong because he's too young to understand.

"He doesn't know those things," she told The Enterprise of Brockton. "He's only 6 years old."

Read the rest here.

Nothing Holy about the "Holy Land"

2006-02-07T21:02:00.000-05:00

(I'm in a mood... Its time for a rant)

Ya probably think I should talk about the dumb balding apes that are rioting and burning buildings over some Mohammed cartoon, but nahh. Maybe I should talk about the dumb balding apes at war over oil? Naahh. That's all Johnny Come Lately crap, and I wanna rant incoherently a bit about the "Holy Land" instead.

Ya know why I put "Holy Land" in quotes? Frankly because there is absolutely nothing Holy about a lousy hunk of dirt that people slaughter each other over. NOTHING HOLY ABOUT IT AT ALL!

Its pathetic how desecrated with blood that land has been throughout the centuries... Always with somebody claiming they have some right to it, or that some thieves stole it, or some infidels occupy it, and they must be killed so the land can be taken back.

Nope, nothing holy about that at all.

And who are these people who have warred for millennia over it? Aren't they all followers of the same God. Do they not all believe that Moses brought forth the 10 Commandments, one of which is that whacky one about not killing?

Nothing holy about it at all.

I cannot imagine God being pleased that so many die over a lousy piece of real estate. I'm quite sure, though, that the devil enjoys all the bloodshed. Killing is Holy?

Nothing holy about it at all.

Now wanna see holy? Let one group walk away and leave it. Let one group decide a hunk of land can't possibly be worth centuries of bloodshed. That would be a holy act. That would be an act of Godlike strength. The continued, eternal barbarism is as far from God as I can imagine. Its the Same S##t Different Day behaviors of dumb balding apes.

And there's nothing holy about that at all.

Dead Man Coming

2006-02-05T22:37:00.000-05:00

Well go figure. ABC used the first ever five second delay of the Super Bowl to edit the Rolling Stones. Mick's explicit reference to he and Jerri Hall's sex life got the ax.

Personally I think Mick shoulda shown a nipple.

Wait, no I don't.

Bush requests ban on himself!

2006-02-03T21:18:00.000-05:00

From the State of the Union

Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research, human cloning in all its forms, creating or implanting embryos for experiments, creating human-animal hybrids, and buying, selling or patenting human embryos.

Bush's call for a human animal hybrid ban has caused quite an uproar at the White House where many suspect hybrids abound, from the head Chimp on down.

Dick Cheney, who is thought to be a chickenhawk/man, told reporters today that the State of the Union was not intended to be taken literally by anyone.

Read the rest at Tom Burka dot com. Really, click the link. I couldn't possibly write a better gag!

iPod Owners say What?

2006-02-03T20:44:00.000-05:00

Huh who'da thunk it. If you shove speakers in your ear and crank the volume you might end up with hearing problems. And of course you know who's fault it is, right... The guy you bought the product from!

From CNN:

SAN FRANCISCO, California (AP) -- A Louisiana man claims in a lawsuit that Apple's iPod music player can cause hearing loss in people who use it.

Apple has sold more than 42 million of the devices since they went on sale in 2001, including 14 million in the fourth quarter last year. The devices can produce sounds of more than 115 decibels, a volume that can damage the hearing of a person exposed to the sound for more than 28 seconds per day, according to the complaint.

The iPod players are "inherently defective in design and are not sufficiently adorned with adequate warnings regarding the likelihood of hearing loss," according to the complaint, filed Tuesday in U.S. District Court in San Jose, California, on behalf of John Kiel Patterson, of Louisiana.

The suit, which Patterson wants certified as a class-action, seeks compensation for unspecified damages and upgrades that will make iPods safer. Patterson's suit said he bought an iPod last year, but does not specify whether he suffered hearing loss from the device.

Apparently Mr. Patterson is unaware there's a volume control on the device.

Let me be absolutely loud and clear about my opionion here: Mr. Patterson and his lawyer should be strung up by speaker wires.

State of the Union Epiphany

2006-02-01T18:47:00.000-05:00

It hit me during the State of the Union. I have finally figured it out. I have seen the light. I am now aware of the plan, and it's just pure brilliance.

How could this have escaped me previously?

You see, "They hate us for our freedoms," right? Sooooo the plan all along was to pass the Patriot Act, hold prisoners in Gitmo with no right of Habeus Corpus, indulge our governments whims at secret prisons internationally, and engage in domestic spying without warrants. Why you ask?

If they hate us for our freedoms, then all we have to do is eliminate our freedoms and they'll stop hating us!

Sheer brilliance. Count me in.

Study shows "total lack of reason in political decision-making."

2006-01-30T20:49:00.000-05:00

Did we really need a study to tell us this?

Democrats and Republicans alike are adept at making decisions without letting the facts get in the way, a new study shows.

And they get quite a rush from ignoring information that's contrary to their point of view.

Researchers asked staunch party members from both sides to evaluate information that threatened their preferred candidate prior to the 2004 Presidential election. The subjects' brains were monitored while they pondered.

The results were announced today.

"We did not see any increased activation of the parts of the brain normally engaged during reasoning," said Drew Westen, director of clinical psychology at Emory University. "What we saw instead was a network of emotion circuits lighting up, including circuits hypothesized to be involved in regulating emotion, and circuits known to be involved in resolving conflicts."

Bias on both sides
The test subjects on both sides of the political aisle reached totally biased conclusions by ignoring information that could not rationally be discounted, Westen and his colleagues say.

Then, with their minds made up, brain activity ceased in the areas that deal with negative emotions such as disgust. But activity spiked in the circuits involved in reward, a response similar to what addicts experience when they get a fix, Westen explained.

The study points to a total lack of reason in political decision-making.

"None of the circuits involved in conscious reasoning were particularly engaged," Westen said. "Essentially, it appears as if partisans twirl the cognitive kaleidoscope until they get the conclusions they want, and then they get massively reinforced for it, with the elimination of negative emotional states and activation of positive ones."

Notably absent were any increases in activation of the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain most associated with reasoning.

Here's the rest on MSNBC.

Random Gun Control Thought

2006-01-27T15:33:00.000-05:00

There's an old pro gun control argument I thought about today. This claims that an armed citizenry is useless in a revolt against a tyrannical government that has the technological and organizational terrors the likes of the modern US armed forces to support it. The theoretical point made is that a "bunch of yahoos" with small arms couldn't possibly make an impact against modern US armed forces.

Does anyone else think the Iraq insurgency has pretty much negated that argument?

Friggin Democracy

2006-01-26T22:22:00.000-05:00

How dare those Palestinians elect a Hamas majority. What gives them the right?

Newsflash! College students are horny and don't always behave themselves!

2006-01-25T22:23:00.000-05:00

I'm shocked. SHOCKED I tell you! College kids misbehaving? College kids making sexual jokes and playing grab-ass?

Thank God for the American Association of University Women's latest research bringing this vital issue to life!

From CNN:

Researchers found that 62 percent of college students experienced sexual harassment, and 32 percent of college students said they were victims of physical harassment.

"The primary form of harassment that we're seeing is actually non-contact: it tends to be remarks, gestures and jokes," Elena Silva, the report's co-author, said in a telephone interview. "But the fact that one-third of college students are experiencing some form of physical harassment is certainly a concern."

In a representative survey of 2,036 undergraduates at U.S. colleges and universities, 41 percent said they had sexually harassed someone.

"In most cases, these students say that they thought it was funny, the other person liked it, or it is 'just a part of school life,'" the report found.

Common types of physical harassment include being touched, grabbed or pinched in a sexual way, or intentionally brushing up against someone in a sexual way, the study found...

Less than 10 percent of all students report sexual harassment to a school employee, the study found. Most student victims say the incident was "not a big deal" even though it made victims feel "helpless" or "horrible."

"We have a real contradiction where students are saying, on the one hand, it's no big deal and didn't report it ... but on the other hand, they say, 'Yes, I was upset by it, yes, it made me feel bad about myself,'" Silva said.

Well now we better protect these poor little kids. We wouldn't want them exiting college with lessons in how to deal with reality now, would we? We must ensure nothing in their collegiate experience makes them upset.

I've got it! Federally funded chemical castration and chastity belts for all college students. That'll take care of this scourge!

Bush Joke (hmmm was that redundant?)

2006-01-24T22:05:00.000-05:00

George was scheduled to visit the Methodist Church outside Washington.

Bush's campaign manager visits the Bishop, and says, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Methodists because of our position on stem cell research and the like. We'd gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon you'd say that the President is a saint."

The Bishop thinks it over for a few moments and finally says, "The church needs funds so I'll do it."

Bush pompously shows up looking especially smug. The sermon progresses- the Bishop begins his homily: "George W. Bush is petty, a self-absorbed hypocrite and a nitwit. He is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He has lied about his military record! and had the gall to put himself in a jet plane landing on a carrier posing before a banner stating 'Mission Accomplished.' He invaded a country for oil and money, and is using it to lie to the American people. He is the worst example of a Methodist I've ever personally known. But compared to Dick Cheney, George Bush is a saint.

Got the joke via e-mail from Chris at Politics of the Day so I don't claim it as mine. Had to share though!

Don't Bring TNT to a Nuke Fight

2006-01-24T20:07:00.000-05:00

Boy I sure hope Murphy's Law doesn't strike the first time we launch one of these confusion prone new toys.

U.S. May Arm Subs With Conventional Warheads for Quicker Strike

Jan. 17 (Bloomberg) -- The Pentagon wants to spend up to $500 million through 2011 to replace nuclear warheads with conventional warheads on some submarine-launched ballistic missiles, according to budget documents.

The purpose is to allow quicker preemptive attacks on deeply buried enemy command centers or stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction. U.S. submarines carry ballistic missiles that fly at supersonic speeds, faster than those launched from land- based silos or airplanes.

``This weapon would give the U.S. global, conventional preemption -- a first-strike capability -- in 30 minutes, to attack North Korean or Iranian WMD or leadership facilities,'' said William Arkin, a former Army intelligence analyst and independent defense consultant and author.

...

``Before we start shooting ballistic missiles at countries we had better work to resolve the question of false warnings and accidental nuclear war, particularly if North Korea were ever a target,'' he said.

I do so love it when the Bush administration finds a new way to remind me of Dr. Strangelove.

President Merkin Muffley: [to Premier Kissoff] Hello?... Ah... I can't hear too well. Do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little?... Oh-ho, that's much better... yeah... huh... yes... Fine, I can hear you now, Dmitri... Clear and plain and coming through fine... I'm coming through fine, too, eh?... Good, then... well, then, as you say, we're both coming through fine... Good... Well, it's good that you're fine and... and I'm fine... I agree with you, it's great to be fine... a-ha-ha-ha-ha... Now then, Dmitri, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the Bomb...

Read the full Bloomberg article here.

Nannies Nag Nickelodeon

2006-01-19T20:41:00.000-05:00

Apparently the products that Nickelodeon and Kellogg provide are making kids fat.

By LIBBY QUAID AP Food and Farm Writer
The Associated Press

WASHINGTON Jan 18, 2006 — Advocacy groups and parents are suing the Nickelodeon TV network and cereal maker Kellogg Co. in an effort to stop junk food marketing to kids.

The plaintiffs are citing a recent report documenting the influence of marketing on what children eat. Ads aimed at kids are mostly for high-calorie, low-nutrition food and drinks, according to the government-chartered Institute of Medicine.

Wakefield, Mass., mother Sherri Carlson said she tries her best to get her three kids to eat healthy foods.

"But then they turn on Nickelodeon and see all those enticing junk-food ads," Carlson said. "Adding insult to injury, we enter the grocery store and see our beloved Nick characters plastered on all those junky snacks and cereals."

Carlson and another plaintiff, Andrew Leong of Brookline, Mass., spoke at a news conference organized by the Center for Science in the Public Interest and the Boston-based Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood.

They intend to sue Kellogg and Nickelodeon parent Viacom Inc. in state court in Massachusetts and served the required 30 days' notice on Wednesday.

"For over 30 years, public health advocates have urged companies to stop marketing junk food to children," said Susan Linn of the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood. "Even as rates of childhood obesity have soared, neither Viacom nor Kellogg has listened."

Here's a thought: Stop letting your kids sit on their lazy asses in front of the T.V. all day eating Captain Crunch! Oh wait, that would require actual parental responsibility. I keep forgetting that responsibility is a dirty word.

Kids it won't be long before sugar is a controlled substance.

Read more here.