Captain Corruption\'s Commentary

Friday, August 05, 2005

What you MUST know about DiHydrogen Monoxide!

Sure, the scourge of Lawn Dart accidents was solved long ago. We need never worry about another senseless three wheeled ATV death either. Our government has taken care of us there.

Seat belt laws? Check. Motorcycle helmet laws? Check. Lethal cold medicines controlled? Check. Nail files on airplanes? Check. Our wonderful has shown us time and time again that it knows what's best for us. And worry not, its only a matter of time before the lethal chemicals hydrogen peroxide and Orange Juice are removed from the market before they harm another innocent. Click here to learn how Captain Corruption is leading the charge to ban those two killers.

But there's an even more deadly substance IN YOUR HOME RIGHT NOW! This highly addictive substance is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and absolutely lethal. We are talking about , or DHMO. This deadly, addictive substance is a scourge on all society. Studies have shown that virtually all auto accidents can be traced to a driver under the influence of DHMO! Violent felons across the country are known users of DHMO, and it is rumored that the 9-11 were under the influence of DHMO when they perpetrated their heinous act. What's worse is that DHMO addiction is an addiction that can't be kicked: detoxification from DHMO addiction is lethal 100% of the time.

But the dangers of DHMO don't stop there.

According to the DHMO.Org website:

Each year, Dihydrogen Monoxide is a known causative component in many thousands of deaths and is a major contributor to millions upon millions of dollars in damage to property and the environment. Some of the known perils of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:

Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.

Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage.

DHMO is a major component of acid rain.

Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.

Contributes to soil erosion.

Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals.

Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.

Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.

Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions.

Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere.

Thermal variations in DHMO are a suspected contributor to the El Nino weather effect.

As if that weren't shocking enough for, God's sake think of the children:

A recent stunning revelation is that in every single instance of violence in our country's schools, including infamous shootings in high schools in Denver and Arkansas, Dihydrogen Monoxide was involved. In fact, DHMO is often very available to students of all ages within the assumed safe confines of school buildings. None of the school administrators with which we spoke could say for certain how much of the substance is in use within their very hallways.

Folks, this is what we have our for. Write your senator. Write your congressman. The scourge of must be stopped!

Websites no parent should ignore:

Di-Hydrogen Monoxide - The Invisible Killer
Ban DiHydrogen Monoxide!
Finally, for the clueless.


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