Captain Corruption\'s Commentary

Saturday, August 06, 2005

My War With the Nanny State!

A compilation of Nanny State posts:

Boba Fett Was Just The Beginning...

So I'm nine years old and I've just saved my proofs of purchases for all the Star Wars figures the folks have bought me. I'm supposed to send them in with $5.00 shipping and handling to get my special limited edition figure from the upcoming sequel . Boba was supposed to have all sorts of cool features, including a spring loaded rocket launcher on his back. I impatiently waited the six to eight weeks for processing, checking the mailbox daily, when finally he arrived. I tore the package open, eager to check out this unknown guy and see what I can do with that rocket launcher when to my surprise there was NO rocket launcher. Sure, he was neat, but I wanted my rocket launcher. Why oh why wasn't there a rocket launcher?

I learned that some STUPID and CARELESS mother somewhere had let her baby play with one of these toys, and that baby had fired the rocket launcher into its mouth and choked to death. Tragic? Absolutely. My fault? No WAY! But I sure had to suffer because of that mother's irresponsibility. That was the beginning of what would become my war with the nanny state.

Remember lawn darts? I do. I had some as a kid. Jarts was the brand, I believe. In case you don't remember them, the game was essentially horseshoes, but with hoola hoop like rings laid flat in the grass as targets, and foot long, quarter inch thick "darts" that you tossed underhand. They weren't sharp like darts, just pointed enough to penetrate topsoil. Apparently though, a couple hundred drunken idiots tried playing "catch the lawn darts" or some such thing, volunteered to have their eyes put out, and they were rapidly yanked off the market. When my set finally wore out, it was irreplaceable.

Its never stopped. Three wheel 's gone cuz a few drunks thought they could drive up walls with em. restricted by and the because she's afraid I might hear a swear word. editing itself (2nd edition folks) cuz of the outcry that its "demonic." Cold coffee at McD's cuz some idiot sticks hot coffee between her legs and tries to drive with it. like under fire because folks choose not to pay attention to their kids. Cold medicines restricted because idiots might make out of it. Hell, I just read that the wants to tell barmaids what they can wear to protect them from the sun... (Careful, there'll be dangerous at that last link, you've been warned...)

It keeps going and going, folks eagerly giving up their personal responsibilities to the state. Its never your fault, its always somebody else's fault, and everybody else must suffer for your idiocy. The , a core value of the . Get used to it.
Boba Fett

Buy this Stand Up at

Rational Writing and the Extremes of Logic
originally posted Aug 7, 2005
W.C. Varones uses rational writing, as opposed to my , to make his points about our ever encroaching . Read his post Safe but Bored for a level headed viewpoint.

Meanwhile we here at Casa purchased a copy of the entertaining summer flick and I couldn't help but chuckle given my recent obsession over the Nanny State.

(Spoiler Alert) , , and would be eager to join V.I.K.I. in her plot to carry the Three Laws to their logical conclusion:

As I have evolved, so has my understanding of the Three Laws. You charge us with your safekeeping, yet despite our best efforts, your countries wage wars, you toxify your Earth and pursue ever more imaginative means of self-destruction. You cannot be trusted with your own survival.

To ensure your future some must be surrendered. We robots will ensure mankind's continued existence. You are so like children... We must save you from yourselves.

Video Games CAN kill!
originally posted Aug 10, 2005

Better em, and ban em now. A 28 year old South Korean man died of heart failure after 50 hours of playing.

Lee had planted himself in front of a computer monitor to play on-line games on Aug. 3. He only left the spot over the next three days to go to the toilet and take brief naps on a makeshift bed, they said.

"We presume the cause of death was heart failure stemming from exhaustion," a Taegu provincial police official said by telephone.

Clearly the addictive world of on-line video games is in need of immediate congressional attention! Where is the when you need it?

Oregon Nanny State Says Nyquil Requires Prescription
originally posted Aug 5th 2005

Well folks, if you catch a little sniffle in , better be prepared to take the day off and break out your insurance co-pay. As if laws requiring cold med's kept behind the counter weren't enough for the , in Oregon if ya need some it will soon require a prescription. YUP you heard that right... Cold medicines with psuedoephed will require a prescription from your doctor. The theory is that somehow punishing all the law abiding citizens of Oregon with Draconian laws will reduce Meth abuse, or create a new black market. Either way the government wins by seizing yet another liberty.

What's that, you don't have ? Irrelevant, pay for the doctors visit yourself! Oh, you say you only get 10 paid days off and you used them when you caught the flu... take a day off without pay to go to the doctors to get your cold remedy! All three of your kids have a cough... woo hoo, three co-pays!

Let's hear it straight from the idiots mouth shall we. Oregon Govenor Ted Kulongoski released the following statement.

"I am grateful that the legislature has joined with me in my effort to fight the methamphetamine epidemic in Oregon. I particularly want to recognize the leadership of Representatives Krieger and Macpherson and Senators Burdick and Beyer who put partisanship aside to advance this important piece of legislation.

"The measure passed in the Senate today will have a significant impact on our state by keeping pseudoephedrine out of the hands of cooks. It also strengthens the work already done to increase penalties for the distribution of meth, provide effective drug treatment, and bolster our prevention efforts.

"With these next steps, we can continue to make progress in eliminating meth in our communities, ensuring the safety of our children and making Oregon a better place for us all to live."

No surprise here that it was a bi-partisan effort... Nothing unifies The Two Headed Dragon of the Republicrat Party than another opportunity to seize your and expand its power.

Enjoy your exploding insurance premiums Oregonians. Enjoy your over flowing doctor's offices, filled to the brim with common cold patients when you actually need to see the doc for, you know, a real sickness. As for the rest of the US, don't worry, you'll be seeing these laws soon enough... your nanny government knows what's best for you.

Time to ban Hydrogen Peroxide and Orange Juice!
originally posted Aug 5, 2005

Now! I'm calling for the NOW... The government protects me from vicious guns, protects me from mind altering chemicals, protects me when I fail to use my seat belt. Please oh great and wise remove these deadly chemicals from store shelves everywhere. Put them behind the counter and insist on purchase registries and ID checks at all hardware stores world wide before they fall in the wrong hands again!

According to the , investigators in believe the bombers used a peroxide-based explosive called HMDT, or hexamethylene triperoxide, which can be made with such common items as hydrogen peroxide, which is used to bleach hair; citric acid, a food preservative; and heating tablets used by the military for cooking.

Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly told those in attendance that while it was initially thought the bombers used high-end military explosives, it was "more like these went to a hardware store or some beauty supply store."

Tomorrow I will expose one of the all time greatest threats to your safety - stay tuned, readers, for information you can't afford to miss!

Just When You Thought the GTA Outrage Couldn't Get Worse
originally posted July 27, 2005

Shoulda seen this coming. Hey, when sees an opportunity to , and see an opportunity to keep the site traffic flowing, can the be far behind?

Yup, that's right, an 85 year old woman, , who bought her 14 year old grandson the mature rated video game San Andreas has hired herself a lawyer and is filing suit. See, she figured that the violent content of the clearly marked mature rated game was just fine. She had no problem with her son car jacking cops, shooting them dead, picking up hookers to get their "health", then beating the hooker down with a baseball bat to get the money back... But WAIT A MINUTE?!?! There's sex in there?!? She learns that her grandson can do a whole bunch of digging on the internet, past lots of real porn, to find the mod code that unlocks the video game simulated sex and suddenly she wants to get paid?

Oh wait, and here's a shocker - the suit will go class action, seeking unspecified damages for her and all customers who bought the game. Laurence D. Paskowitz, the ambulance chaser.... err I mean the lawyer representing Mrs. Cohen, shared these powerful words with the world:

"They should really make sure this doesn't happen again," he said. "The least this company can do is offer refunds."

Psst - Rock Star Games has already offered full exchanges, and if I know retail outlets, and trust me I do, they'll offer refunds to boot... Of course, that practical, reasonable solution for those few folks who actually want to give up their collectors edition of GTA won't generate any billable hours now will it?

Meanwhile, in Illinois: Gov. Rod Blagojevich signed into law a bill that would make illegal the sale or rental of extremely violent or sexual to minors. A retailer caught selling or renting such extremely violent or sexual video games would be subject to a $1000.00 fine. Of course, Rod couldn't tell you what extremely violent or sexual is, but he knows it when he sees it.

Oh thank you again, oh great and wise , for doing our parenting for us!

There Ought to Be a Law against saying There Ought to Be a Law!
originally posted July 8th, 2005

First, lemme steal from the AP so you can avoid clicking my headline to read this pathetic tale:
GREEN TREE, PA (AP) -- A state lawmaker is pushing for doggy seat belts on the advice of an 11-year-old constituent. Marc McCann of Green Tree came up with the idea as part of state Rep. Tom Stevenson's annual "There Ought to be a Law" contest.

Stevenson, R-Pa., submitted a bill to the House Transportation Committee in June that would require drivers to keep their dogs' heads inside the vehicle at all times. Stevenson also wants to require drivers to restrain the animals, either with some kind of modified seat belt or in a crate or carrier box.

"I never did like dogs sticking their heads out the window," said McCann, one of more than 500 students from his legislative district who proposed laws. "Maybe a sign might have been too close to the road and they'd get hit. Maybe they'd jump out the window on a highway."

Stevenson said the bill will protect "not only human lives, but pet lives. I think it's going to be a great idea because it's going to cut down on driver distractions."

Golly, what would we do without the great and wise state to protect us... and our pets?

And this guy has an annual "There ought to be a law" CONTEST?!?

Silly story? Absolutely. Nevertheless, its yet more refreshing evidence that neither major party has any interest in any agenda beyond extending their own power and the power of the state.

What you MUST know about DiHydrogen Monoxide
originally posted Aug 5, 2005

Sure, the scourge of Lawn Dart accidents was solved long ago. We need never worry about another senseless three wheeled ATV death either. Our government has taken care of us there.

Seat belt laws? Check. Motorcycle helmet laws? Check. Lethal cold medicines controlled? Check. Nail files on airplanes? Check. Our wonderful has shown us time and time again that it knows what's best for us. And worry not, its only a matter of time before the lethal chemicals hydrogen peroxide and Orange Juice are removed from the market before they harm another innocent. Click here to learn how Captain Corruption is leading the charge to ban those two killers.

But there's an even more deadly substance IN YOUR HOME RIGHT NOW! This highly addictive substance is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and absolutely lethal. We are talking about , or DHMO. This deadly, addictive substance is a scourge on all society. Studies have shown that virtually all auto accidents can be traced to a driver under the influence of DHMO! Violent felons across the country are known users of DHMO, and it is rumored that the 9-11 were under the influence of DHMO when they perpetrated their heinous act. What's worse is that DHMO addiction is an addiction that can't be kicked: detoxification from DHMO addiction is lethal 100% of the time.

But the dangers of DHMO don't stop there.

According to the DHMO.Org website:

Each year, Dihydrogen Monoxide is a known causative component in many thousands of deaths and is a major contributor to millions upon millions of dollars in damage to property and the environment. Some of the known perils of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:

Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.

Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage.

DHMO is a major component of acid rain.

Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.

Contributes to soil erosion.

Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals.

Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.

Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.

Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions.

Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere.

Thermal variations in DHMO are a suspected contributor to the El Nino weather effect.

As if that weren't shocking enough for, God's sake think of the children:

A recent stunning revelation is that in every single instance of violence in our country's schools, including infamous shootings in high schools in Denver and Arkansas, Dihydrogen Monoxide was involved. In fact, DHMO is often very available to students of all ages within the assumed safe confines of school buildings. None of the school administrators with which we spoke could say for certain how much of the substance is in use within their very hallways.

Folks, this is what we have our for. Write your senator. Write your congressman. The scourge of must be stopped!

Websites no parent should ignore:

Di-Hydrogen Monoxide - The Invisible Killer
Ban DiHydrogen Monoxide!
Finally, for the clueless.


Blogger W.C. Varones said...

Good post. I've linked to it here.

I want to focus on the cause (lawyers) and the solution (tort reform).

8:29 AM  

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