Captain Corruption\'s Commentary

Monday, July 11, 2005

Sheople in the News With Paula Pawn - July 11th, 2005

This week Paula Pawn presents her in depth interview with Captain Corruption, the controversial and oft confrontational C.E.O. of The Corruption Corporation.

Paula Pawn: Mr. Corruption, since the recent leaks from within your boardroom the rumors have been flying, the chatter has been everywhere, and people want to know... What happened to the Name We Could Trust?

: What are you talkin about Paula? Nothin happened! The Name You Can Trust logo is available right now... Get out yer wallet and buy it... I padded your networks advertising wallet plenty before this interview, didn't I?

Paula Pawn: Ahem. Yes, yes, I know, the logo is for sale in several fashionable varieties at www.captaincorruption.com, Captain, but that's not what I'm aski-

Captain Corruption, interrupting: Well then what the @#$% are you askin', Paula?!? I mean, you asked what happened, I said nothin' happened, and now you say that's not what yer askin', so what are ya askin'?!?

Paula Pawn: Well, Captain, before the leak, the people of America thought Corruption Corporation stood for something.

Captain Corruption: It did stand for something, Paula, and it does stand for something... It stands for makin' me money! Sheesh! I told those guys in marketing that "Puttin Your Money Where My Mouth Is" was the way to go with the corporate motto. I tell ya, just cuz your name's on the top of the stationery it doesn't mean anyone listens to you.

Paula Pawn: Lets change directions for a moment, Captain. Let's talk about the Blog. There are things about the Blog that America wants cleared up. What is it about, Captain? Is it skewed and ironic media commentary, pop culture news, all too brief movie reviews, libertarian propaganda, bizarre conspiracy theories, some sort of social commentary ... Just what is it?

Captain Corruption: Yes.

Paula Pawn: Yes?

Captain Corruption: Yes. What part of yes don't you understand?

Paula Pawn: Well, it doesn't answer the question, does it?

Captain Corruption: Of course it does! Captain Corruption's Commentary is about whatever I want it to be about. Some days I'm a smart ass, some days I'm a music geek, some days I'm wondering where my country is headed, some days there's something ludicrous that needs to be pointed out, and some days there's just nothing to laugh about.

Paula Pawn: Well, some folks might find the changes in direction challenging...

Captain Corruption: Go figure... Mrs. Corruption finds my moods challenging, too.

Paula Pawn: Also, Captain, some folks might find some philosophical inconsistencies in the Blog.

Captain Corruption: Philosophical inconsistencies? What is that, PC Newspeak for hypocrisy? You goin' soft Paula? What're you getting at?

Paula Pawn: Well, you decry corporate media for its sensationalism and commercialism, for its apparent insatiable need to marginalize editorial integrity in exchange for increased circulation in order to generate greater ad revenue and pad the bottom line, and yet you've placed advertisements on your Blog. Some people might find -

Captain Corruption, interrupting: Didn't we cover this territory already? "Puttin your money where my mouth is". I never claimed to have editorial integrity, did I? I'm gettin about through with your questions, Paula. I've had enough of this crap, I'm outta here.

Paula Pawn: Well, looks like that wraps up our show for this week. Tune in next week when we'll get in depth insights and exclusive video from an Aruban barber who knows a girl who dated a taxi driver who drove Natalie Holloway's Mom to a press conference.

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