Open Letter to the Corrupt Board of Directors and Shareholders
As the Corruption Corporation's Senior Vice President of Marketing it is my duty to do all I can to protect the good name of the Corruption Corporation. I feel in fulfilling that duty I must express my concerns regarding Captain Corruption, our C.E.O.
Captain Corruption's unsavory and unacceptable behavior for the last month has been an embarrassment for the Corporation and the Corruption brand. With luck and determination Sales V.P. Todd Collins and myself were able to overcome the marketing fiasco that would have come from the "putting your money where my mouth is" campaign, but the Captain has brought shame to our corporate image in other venues.
Two weeks ago we were able to arrange valuable press time in front of network television cameras via the Captain's interview with Sheople in the News' anchor Paula Pawn, and it was an utter fiasco. The Captain was continuously rude with Ms. Pawn, used foul language, publicly disclosed our advertising arrangements with the network, and ultimately walked out on the interview.
Furthermore, Captain Corruption recently displayed a complete lack of taste in avoiding a discussion of the Patriot Act and instead posted stories about naked teen breasts, complete with a picture of a semi nude Cameron Diaz.
Today the Captain not only made light of the potential nuclear threat that terrorists present to our country, he also chose to use that story as a distasteful opportunity to sell our products.
Finally, he has an opportunity to make an impact amongst the artistes of Transcend, but I feel confident based upon a previous discussion with the Captain that he will squander that opportunity.
I can only hope that in bringing these issues to light that the Board Members and Shareholders of Corruption Corporation will consider a more appropriate individual for the position of Chief Executive Officer.
Senior V.P. of Marketing