Captain Corruption\'s Commentary

Saturday, July 16, 2005

On The Road Again

I've been in the Corruption Mobile for most of this week, hence the lack of posts. Being on the road made me think I had to preach about road rules to the two people who are paying attention out there, in hopes that they might spread the word. And by the way, yes, like every other commentator out there, I AM absolutely right about everything, my opininion is the only opinion that matters, and that's all you need to know, got it? Good!

Anyway, as I said, being on the road made me think I had to post about basic road rules, but ya know what? Amazingly this trip pretty much everybody on the road were actually following the basic road rules. It was really quite surprising and quite satisfying. Well done, folks! That said, a few quick tips:

Drive right, pass left, drive right again. What do I mean? I mean the right lane is for cruising and the left lane is for passing. Don't cruise in the left lane and you won't be in the way of faster traffic. When you get in the left lane, get your pass over with and get back to the right. Here's a hint... You can use that little pedal on the right to accelerate and get your pass over with... Cruise control will still have your ticket safe speed of speed limit + three in its memory. Cruising by the row of semis with cruise control is really annoying to those of us who are going speed limit + 10... Get on with it please!

Use your turn signals!!!!! Turn signals are your polite way of saying "excuse me sir, but might I please get in your lane for a moment." Its common courtesy, so please try it.

Respect and reward those who actually do use their turn signals! When someone signals, let them have the lane. IF you're already right on their quarter panel and its easier or safer to get past them so they can have the lane, get on with it, use the accelerator and get past them, so they can have their lane. Otherwise, tap your brake and give them the space they have politely asked for, and assume that they will offer you the courtesy of getting on with their business and getting back to the right.

Pay attention to merging traffic and let them merge. You know the on ramp is coming up... Move over, if the lane is clear, so the oncoming traffic can merge. Also, don't choose that moment to pass the semi, as the semi is likely to be moving over to let the oncoming traffic merge. Give the semi the maneuvering room he needs to be polite to others.

Don't tailgate! Its dangerous, its rude, and it will often force me to start ignoring all the other rules of polite road behavior. Tailgate me, and I'll find a semi to cruise next to for miles on end... Back off man! Worry not though, I won't be losing my patience while I do this, I'll be enjoying myself and your agony... Which brings me to the final point:

Be Patient! Driving angry is dangerous. There are lots of idiots out there... Swear at em if you must, but get it out of your system fast so you can use your head while you operate that 2000 pound machine.

Oh, I almost forgot, so consider this a post script: HANG UP AND DRIVE!


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