Captain Corruption\'s Commentary

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Just Because You're Paranoid it Doesn't Mean They're Not After You!

It might be old news, but I don't want this story to die, and I figure the 4th of July weekend is the right weekend to post it round here. (Yup... slow news weekend alright) First, lemme use multiple links to confirm I didn't make this up... Ya can't make up great stuff like this anyway.

OK, so we know its on the level, right? The FBI uses White Cessna's to keep track of things from the sky, and they profile scary "radicals" to pick what targets to check out. For the link clicking challenged, here's the AP version in full:

FBI Acknowledges Mystery

Friday, February 28, 2003
BLOOMINGTON, Indiana (AP) --

The FBI acknowledged that a small plane whose frequent, unexplained flights over the city had raised fears among some residents is being used by the agency to monitor people who might have terrorist connections.

Residents in this city of 69,000, home to the flagship campus of Indiana University, where more than 3,300 foreign students attend, have seen the white, single-engine Cessna 182 at least since February 19 making passes overhead about noon, in the late evening and after midnight.

Earlier in the week, when aviation officials disclosed that the aircraft was conducting surveillance, the FBI had denied any link to the plane.

Agent Thomas V. Fuentes said the FBI issued the denial because a reporter asked if the airplane is doing electronic surveillance, which it is not. Fuentes and agent James H. Davis said the FBI is not aware of any threat to Bloomington or the state, but is watching many foreign nationals.

Several students at Indiana University have been questioned by FBI agents, university and agency officials confirmed. Agency spokesman Doug Garrison, however, would not say if those interviews were related to national security or the airplane's flights.

Besides individuals, Fuentes and Davis said, the aircraft is monitoring vehicles and businesses -- particularly those open late at night from which faxes or e-mails can be sent. Fuentes said the aircraft is conducting surveillance flights over several communities near Indianapolis, the state capital. Bloomington is about 40 miles (65 kilometers) south of Indianapolis.

Go figure. Just our friendly feds playing with taxpayer money, an airplane and some neato high powered surveillance binoculars. Gotta spend that budget one way or another. Frankly, I've noticed for the last couple of years a White Cessna has been making a daily flight just north of my residence at about 4:45 p.m. I'm not saying it must belong to the FBI, but it sure does make a regular flight. I'm not making that up folks... besides, and get ready cuz this is oh so shocking, there's an Arabic gentleman daring to own an estate about half a mile north east of my home. That's right... here in the heartland of America. Why we just better be checking him out, huh... he MUST be the enemy, right?

Now then, knowing the levels of surveillance that our friends in Homeland Security feel are necessary, one can have some fun with them... Here's how:

First off, acknowledge that unless you're on a secure server there is no such thing as privacy on the internet. All conversations, e-mails, message board postings, chat rooms and blogs are happening on a public sidewalk where anyone who cares to listen can. With the fine advent of the Patriot Act and Homeland Security, etc. you can bet the government is at least loosely paying attention to all. They ARE Data mining and using programs and algorithms to seek out key words and phrases to see if they should pay closer attention. What sort of phrases, you ask? Use your imagination, or consider the following:
Jihad, Holy War, Al-Queda, martyr, assassinate the president, blow up the white house, smuggle the plutonium, dirty bomb Washington DC, Bush must die, slaughter the infidels...

Now the fun comes in when you use these phrases on your own blog, website, or in e-mails to friends and family. Be creative and come up with your own, or try a few more you know they're looking for, like:
Die capitalist pigs. America is the Devil. The American Infidels must pay. Kill the Zionists! Zionists are the great Satan! Bush is an infidel Zionist. Rumsfeld will be suicide bombed! Cheney must die!

You get the idea. Use enough of these phrases (as I hope I have here) and you can bet the feds little search engine algorithms will pick up on it.

So what? So they know you exist? Nothing to be afraid of UNTIL the Black Helicopter arrives. Besides, we've already confirmed they use White Cessna's now...

Now that you know you've been noticed don't forget that the message will end up on some low level FBI grunt's to do list. He'll have to sort through it and determine if its a real "threat" or not, so be friendly, he's gotta earn a living after all.

Hey there Mr. Secret Agent Man. How ya doin today? Hope all is well for you and your family. I sincerely wish you had something more important to do than scan all these silly e-mails and message boards. Ahh well, I'm sure you'll get that promotion you're bucking for. In the meantime, try to get out this summer... go see Star Wars, catch a DEVO show, partake in consumerism and buy a t-shirt, it'll be good for ya.

All my best to you and those in the cubicle's around you,

Captain Corruption

PS Secret Agent Man: Don't forget to bookmark my blog and check back in on me... After all, I might be dangerous, and I could use the hit counts.


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